


The Birds and the Bees (and the grass and the trees - sex ed according to Beca Mitchell-Posen)

by 0ceansgayt



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: AU - Wherever You Go (I Will Follow You), F/F, family fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 16:39:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13415322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0ceansgayt/pseuds/0ceansgayt
Summary: Funny little family fic in which Beca tells their oldest son that babies are grown out in the garden and Aubrey gets *very* angry.After all, she did all of the work, and she can most definitely tell you that babies do NOT come from gardens.





	The Birds and the Bees (and the grass and the trees - sex ed according to Beca Mitchell-Posen)

The air was sticky - the Georgia heat was no joke. Beca sat in the garden, sweat dripping down her brow and mixing with topsoil. She hated gardening, to say the least, but it was what Aubrey wanted - and Aubrey always got what she wanted. 

The brunette hummed along to something playing out of the speakers by the pool, grinding her lip between her teeth as she saw her wife sat out by the pool with a large floppy hat, small black bikini, and a lemonade in her hand. 

Yeah, she hated gardening, but summer days were her favorites. It was far too hot to go anywhere, but too nice out to waste the weather sitting on the couch. And if Beca had to garden in order to see her wife in a bathing suit with a cute little floppy hat, then she would till the soil every day of her life. 

A soft footfall broke her from her thoughts and she looked up, smiling at their son. He was small for his age - six - but was Aubrey’s twin in every way. 

His hair was messy, stuck down to his head from the water. The child plopped down into the soil and the brunette practically heard her wife cringing at the mess on his already filthy shorts. 

“Hi ma!” His voice was chipper and bright - far too happy for temperatures as high as they were. 

“Hey Ethan. What’s up?” Beca smiled, warm and full of light. She may or may not have taken some lessons from her best friend. Ask Beca and she would say she didn’t, but Chloe thought it was cute. 

“Where do babies come from?” 

Oh, the innocence in his voice. The brunette’s eyes widened, looking down at the soil and beginning to pick up her pace. She took a deep breath, they knew this day was coming. 

She just didn’t realize it would come so soon. Or in the backyard garden, covered in sweat and pool water and soil. 

But what was the perfect time? There wasn’t one.  
Beca smiled, a crooked little smirk, and looked over to her son and laughed. 

“So, do you see all of these plants?” 

“Yeah mama, you put them here every year. They make mommy so happy.” The little boy nodded, using his muddy hand to swipe at his mop of hair, leaving a trail of mud across his face. 

He grimaced and Beca’s heart soared - it was the same cute little face her wife gave her countless times. 

“So, when there’s a mommy and a daddy - or a mommy and a mommy - hell, a daddy and a daddy too, and they love each other a whole lot...they plant a special seed.” 

“A seed? Mama no!” Ethan giggled, shaking his head. 

“Yes, a seed. So they plant it together and pray a whole lot, and then they have to water it a ton - to make sure the baby grows. When the baby is finally ready, the mommies go out into the yard and pluck the baby up from the soil. And that’s how you were born.” She rushed out, mentally kicking herself. 

A plant? Really, Mitchell? A fucking plant and prayer? 

“Well mama, that makes sense, but why was mommy with me at the hospital in all of those pictures? Was I sick?” The little boy was confused, fingers digging little holes into the soil beneath him. 

“No, baby, of course not! Sometimes babies have some trouble coming up from the soil and they just need to go to the hospital.” 

“Oh, okay. That makes sense. Thank you, mama!”  
Before Beca could even speak, the little boy had jumped up and shot across the yard. The brunette internally high fived herself, goofy grin on her face. 

Sure it was stupid, but it put off ‘the talk’ for a while. 

————  
A few days had passed, seemingly uneventful until that day. That day. The day in which Aubrey found out that her doorknob of a wife had told their oldest child that babies come from a plant in the yard.

A plant. 

Aubrey was fuming when she returned from dropping off their son at his day trip program. She wanted to slap the brunette upside the head, but settled for stomping up the stairs and throwing the door to Beca’s studio open. 

“Mm, give me a sec. Did you drop E off at that zoo thing?” 

“Yes.” Her response was tense, glaring at the brunette. 

“Okay, what gives? What the fuck did I do this time? Oh, dishes, but I’ll do them later - I swear.”

“Rebecca Lynn Mitchell-Posen, did you tell our six year old son that babies come from fucking plants? Like a cabbage patch?” Aubrey ran her hands through her hair, pacing through the room.

“Uh, Yeah?” 

“Is that a question or a fucking answer, Mitchell?” Aubrey tried her best to control her tone. She shouldn’t be so angry - but for serious? A cabbage patch?

“Um, an answer. Listen, I panicked, I don’t understand why you’re so mad.” 

“Why I’m so mad?!” The blonde’s voice was booming now, hands thrown into the air. “I can fucking assure you that babies do not come from a garden in the yard! I had all three of your children, Mitchell - from Ethan to Elias to Elizabeth - and I am currently carrying your fourth god damned demon! And you want to tell me that babies come from a garden?” 

Beca laughed nervously, she knew better than to argue with her wife - especially a pregnant wife. She sucked in a breath, eyes trained on the ground. ‘Just let her yell, Mitchell. It won’t be so bad’ she thought to herself, biting her bottom lip. 

“A garden! I can tell you that I went through the worst labor pain I could have ever imagined and you told him that he came out of the soil? Yeah, tell that to my fucking vagina - fifteen stitches and one surgery later!” 

Beca bit back a laugh, hiding it with a half snort half cough. She really didn’t mean to laugh. No, not at her wife who was very pregnant and very emotional. 

Oh shit. 

Aubrey stormed through the room, jerking the smaller woman out of her chair by the collar of her shirt. 

“Are you fucking laughing at my shredded vagina? I don’t think you thought it was funny last night.” 

“Um, no. I’m not. I ah, sorry?” She offered, words weak and caught in her throat.

There was a beat of silence before they were connected at the mouth, lips crashing and teeth clashing against each other. Tongues dueled for dominance, fighting to lick and caress each other’s mouths. 

Beca pulled back slightly, panting against Aubrey’s lips. 

“Okay, remind me to get you angry more often.”


End file.
